Mean as a Fat Whale: RuPaul’s Stats Race, Season 13, Episode 13

Posted bylouieb2009Posted inReality TV Lists, RuPaul's Drag Race, Rupaul's Stat Race, TV Lists

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Hi loves. Feeling a bit better but full disclosure: I did watch this episode at 2 AM in my childhood twin bed drugged out on Nyquil while listening on my headphones so as not to disturb my parents after driving for four hours with my brother and his new puppy. So obviously it was a blast. Anyway, enjoy!

THOTS

  • I’ve been getting a bit sick of Loni Love (where is Nicole Byer?), but she redeemed herself tonight when she shot back at Utica. “You’re the one bombing!” So good.
  • It’s become abundantly clear that when cornered, Utica responds by licking and making vicious fat jokes. Though she often frustrated me with her quirky white privilege, she did bring us some epic serves on the runway. We will forever remember her wiggle.
  • Gottmik was so funny and was giving me Gilda Radner realness with her hair.
  • Symone’s lip-sync style is a bit simple and repetitive, but damn did her glamorous emoting work well for “No Tears Left to Cry”. Also, congrats and praise to our lovely America-hating (girl, same) kitty goddess Ariana Grande for becoming the artist with the most lip-sync songs on Drag Race (and no, I won’t be watching the Voice. Love knows some limits).
  • Justice for Monet X Change! Where was her invite?

CHART

  • We have more chart movement than Heidi N. Closet’s groin when she sees Rosé and her bf (Rosé and her bf should be so lucky). With Utica’s power-bottom reign finally at an end, Kandy Muse and Olivia Lux assume the bottom of the chart position. Olivia was ranked first on the chart as recently as episode 8 but has been on a steady decline since (all with a delusional smile).
  • Meanwhile, since Symone got -2 points for being in the bottom 2, Gottmik and Rosé are tied for first place. It is Gottmik’s 4th week ranked 1st on the chart, and Rosé’s 1st- a testament to her consistent rise since her loss in the first episode lip-sync.
  • The overall season stats for weeks at #1 on the chart are: Symone- 8, Gottmik-4, Olivia-3, Rosè, Kandy, Tina and Lala Ri-1.
  • The overall season stats for weeks ranked last on the chart are-Utica-9, Elliott-6, Tamisha-5, Joey-4, Kahmora and Denali-3, Lala Ri, Kandy and Rosè-2, and Olivia-1.
  • Symone and Gottmik have never been ranked last on the chart. Everyone left has spent at least one week ranked first on the chart (though for Kandy, that week was way back in the first episode- essentially just from winning that first lip-sync).

PREDICTIONS

  1. Gottmik (=)
  2. Symone (=)
  3. Rosé (=)
  4. Kandy Muse (=)
  5. Olivia Lux (=)
  6. Utica (Preseason Prediction: 7th, Most Recent Pre-Elimination Prediction: 6th)
  7. Tina Burner (Preseason Prediction: 9th, Most Recent Pre-Elimination Prediction: 7th)
  8. Denali (Preseason Prediction: 3rd, Most Recent Pre-Elimination Prediction: 7th)
  9. Elliiott with 2 Ts (Preseason Prediction: 13th, Most Recent Pre-Elimination Prediction: 9th)
  10. Lala Ri (Preseason Prediction: 6th, Most Recent Pre-Elimination Prediction: 8th)
  11. Tamisha Iman (Preseason Prediction: 12th, Most Recent Pre-Elimination Prediction: 11th)
  12. Joey Jay (Preseason Prediction: 11th, Most Recent Pre-Elimination Prediction: 12th)
  13. Kahmora Hall (Preseason Prediction: 10th; Most Recent Pre-Elimination Prediction: 12th)
  • I was right that our size-ist 7th day Adventist’s time had finally expired. That’s my 5th correct prediction.
  • If Olivia does go home this episode, I will get my first correct preseason prediction. I pegged Olivia at 5th way back in January. I would also have 3 of the final 4 correct (I foolishly thought Symone would be a Plastique style beauty without challenge substance and put Denali in the finals instead).
  • It seems super likely Olivia will go. Her acting and lip-syncing have both become stale for the judges. I think it’ll be her vs. Kandy or Gottmik, since it’s difficult to see Symone or Rosé faltering with an acting challenge.
  • If I’m right about our final 4, we will have a NYC vs. LA showdown with two from each city (Symone is from Arkansas but lives in LA).
  • I’m sticking with Gottmik as my winner for now though I still have one last time to jump on the Symone ship in my next blog. I think even in a lip-sync round robin, Gottmik could surprise with some clever gags and well-placed tricks that would get her the victory. We shall see.

LIST

5 Best and 5 Worst Roasts in Drag Race Herstory

When I looked back there were less Roasts than I thought: there have only been Roasts in season 5, Season 9, All Stars 4 and this season. There have been a lot of standup challenges, but these are the only roasts. Anyway, enjoy my opinion on the best and worse. The worst routines are just as entertaining as the best ones. I couldn’t find individual clips, so I put the timestamps for the video below with each entry and included links for the routines from this season. Here you are!

Best: Manila’s excellent last will and testicle. Kandy’s funny analogies. And Shea Coulee, Alaska and Jinkx’s well-timed sex jokes. Enjoy!

  • 1-Jink Monsoon (5)- 3:08. “But look at her- who would want to top Coco?”
  • 2-Manila Luzon (AS4): 21:57. “When they did the autopsy, they found that she was full of semen…and the aircraft carrier that they served on.”
  • 3-Shea Coulee (9)-6:44. “Gonorrhea clinics know you as patient zero.”
  • 4-Alaska (5)- start of video. “RuPaul is so old that her colostomy bag is made of wood.”
  • 5-Kandy (13): clip below. “Your Angel, needed an angel.”

Worst: Valentina’s quirky perverted musings. Farrah’s quiet exasperation. Utica’s jaw-dropping offensiveness and Alyssa’s insane cadence. Enjoy!

  • 1-Farrah Moan (9)-11:08. “Let’s get this roast a cooking!”
  • 2-Utica (13)-6:05 in the video below. “Oh I’m sorry. I thought you could speak whale.”
  • 3-Valentina (9)-9:15. “Ross, you remind me of a cute hamster. I just want to shove you up my butt.”
  • 4-Alyssa (5)- 4:28. “Can I get a gay man?”
  • 5-Valentina (AS4): 24:11. “Can’t you just see her now, with the big red apple in her mouth, and Satan’s finger up her ass?”

Alright my dears, another week down as we march towards the end of the longest season in herstory. Enjoy the rest of the week and let the music play!

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